The bleeding seems to have stopped early this afternoon. We went to see our friends and she offered to do an ultrasound in a week and a half to see if Ozzie is still there or if I did indeed miscarry.
You know, as I've said before. If Ozzie is not there, at least I'll know. I can comfort myself in the fact that nature made this call, so that I wouldn't have to. And I can accept that. Even though I will feel very sad.
But at this point it's the insecurity that is killing me. The not knowing whether or not I'm still pregnant. If this was just a freak accident and that all is still fine. Or that indeed I'm not pregnant anymore. At least in the latter I know that I can get pregnant. And can get pregnant fast.
I guess we'll know more in a fortnight... Keep them crossed in the meantime if you will
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Strange
What is really strange is that if I hadn't taken that test earlier this week I would have sworn that my period would have finally found it's way out.
But I did take a test and I don't want this to be my period or something else and I still have no freakin' clue how to get any certainty at this point.
Hopefully our friends can help a bit. We're seeing J's best friend later today and his wife is an obgyn. I hope she won't mind me asking her a whole bunch of questions. I hope she can tell me a bit about what is normal in a situation like this. Because otherwise it will have me worried the rest of the weekend and that can't be good either.
But I did take a test and I don't want this to be my period or something else and I still have no freakin' clue how to get any certainty at this point.
Hopefully our friends can help a bit. We're seeing J's best friend later today and his wife is an obgyn. I hope she won't mind me asking her a whole bunch of questions. I hope she can tell me a bit about what is normal in a situation like this. Because otherwise it will have me worried the rest of the weekend and that can't be good either.
Friday, 27 March 2009
update
The bleeding seems to have stopped. I just went to the bathroom and there was nothing there afterwards. I'm not relieved yet. I want to make sure it stays away. Yet I know there is also not a freakin' thing I can do about it.
Instead of a night with a friend with movie and a pizza, I'm now spending it with J. And happily so. I want to be near him more than anything at this point!
another update
I just called them again. I lost a really big (1cm) cloth just now and freaked out. I had to describe it to her and she said it sounded like a blood cloth of old blood. I explained to her I have been coughing all week and she said that that could well be the reason for this all. I am so relieved that I can call them and that they are being so nice and friendly to me. It really makes the world of difference! I asked her what could be signs of miscarriage and she said really heavy cramps would be a sign. I haven't had those. So as long as those stay away I'll be happy.
Last update for today
It still hasn't stopped and I really don't know what to think. Everyone around is telling me to keep the faith. I want to. I really do.
Instead of a night with a friend with movie and a pizza, I'm now spending it with J. And happily so. I want to be near him more than anything at this point!
another update
I just called them again. I lost a really big (1cm) cloth just now and freaked out. I had to describe it to her and she said it sounded like a blood cloth of old blood. I explained to her I have been coughing all week and she said that that could well be the reason for this all. I am so relieved that I can call them and that they are being so nice and friendly to me. It really makes the world of difference! I asked her what could be signs of miscarriage and she said really heavy cramps would be a sign. I haven't had those. So as long as those stay away I'll be happy.
Last update for today
It still hasn't stopped and I really don't know what to think. Everyone around is telling me to keep the faith. I want to. I really do.
Ignorance sucks!
They called me back and were really sweet and comforting. It still can be nothing. The fact that I'm not having cramps and stuff is supposed to be a good sign. The color of the blood says nothing, but she said it could be a number of things. It does seem to have gotten less, although there are tiny cloths now and that doesn't ease my mind very much, but I'm trying not to worry too much for now.
J was awfully sweet. Offered to come home from work and wanted to be there for me. He says this is something we will do together and he will be there for me every step of the way. It is so utterly sweet and so very welcome. I just want things to be okay.
J was awfully sweet. Offered to come home from work and wanted to be there for me. He says this is something we will do together and he will be there for me every step of the way. It is so utterly sweet and so very welcome. I just want things to be okay.
getting really worried here
I'm losing blood. It's not like normal menstrual blood, it's different. But this is not supposed to happen I think. It's really scary
I called the obstetricians office and she said that that can happen and it doesn't have to mean anything and that I have to wait and see for now. They will call me later (I talked to an assistant) when the obstetrician is back from house calls.
But what if this means somethings wrong? What if this means, you know...that? I know I want this baby SO badly. And all I can do now is wait...
I called the obstetricians office and she said that that can happen and it doesn't have to mean anything and that I have to wait and see for now. They will call me later (I talked to an assistant) when the obstetrician is back from house calls.
But what if this means somethings wrong? What if this means, you know...that? I know I want this baby SO badly. And all I can do now is wait...
This is weird!
My mum just called from Germany (they are on holiday) to find out if I was feeling any better and it felt SO strange to talk to her and not tell her what is going on!!! In the back of my head all I could hear was 'I'm pregnant mummy, I'm pregnant!!!" Yet, this is something I really really want to tell them face to face and that won't be for another two weeks. :-(
Virtual fun
As I frequent an Internet forum and I'm dying to share my excitement with them this morning I created a post, written from Ozzies perspective and looking for international aunties. I know that some of them are on to me, but it is so much fun to play around like this and to have people guessing!
It looks like we are telling a few people more about this little blessing. Risky maybe, but on the other hand. We've promised ourselves to dive into this adventure, no matter what.
Even if we keep it a secret much longer, the blow won't be any less painful if things do go wrong. And this is such a big part of our lives now. I want everyone to be a part of that!
We're going to my brother in law this weekend. Not too sure how that will go. We only learnt two weeks ago that they have been trying for a baby for over a year now. I can so imagine what they must feel when they hear that we have been trying for three weeks and are already expecting one. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
In the meantime, I'm having some more virtual fun :-)
It looks like we are telling a few people more about this little blessing. Risky maybe, but on the other hand. We've promised ourselves to dive into this adventure, no matter what.
Even if we keep it a secret much longer, the blow won't be any less painful if things do go wrong. And this is such a big part of our lives now. I want everyone to be a part of that!
We're going to my brother in law this weekend. Not too sure how that will go. We only learnt two weeks ago that they have been trying for a baby for over a year now. I can so imagine what they must feel when they hear that we have been trying for three weeks and are already expecting one. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
In the meantime, I'm having some more virtual fun :-)
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